Dear Girl in the Corner, I see you.
I know, I know. You wonder if anyone does, really does. But I do. ‘Cause I’m in a corner, too. I can see you from across this crowded room, jam-packed with people, stuffed like sardines, and I stare at you.
In your face I see mine. In your heartbeat I hear mine. In that smile you wear…well, Miss Mirror of Myself, it’s mine.
I’d like to come over and say hi to my fellow wall-flower. But there’s a part of me perfectly content tugging on the strap of my purse, holding my glass of water in the other hand, silent, watching.
It’s times like these we wish we had an invisibility cloak, isn’t it? Not because we wish to hide our awkwardness, right? But because we would rather be invisible than anyone think we are feeling awkward.
But that’s more than I would ever say to you or you would ever say to me, isn’t it? I think I’ll stay here a while longer, watching, culling ‘research’ for my writing. You, too? See, I said we had a lot in common.
Oh, I saw that. I saw that girl walk by you and say hi. And I saw your mouth form the word and only a croak come out. So been there. Why is hi such a hard word to say? Why do our vocal chords rebel against us saying it? Any ideas? I’d love to hear ’em. You probably do know. You look like you have it all figured out.
You’d laugh at me if I told you that, wouldn’t you? But you do. It’s true. You look like you have it all figured out, as if the glass pearls have all been strung to the perfect pattern. You look poised and intelligent. All those things I feel inside (or not) but never seem to appear. And elegant. Oh-so-elegant you are, as if you are standing in the corner because you want to, as if you would rather (lovely word, rather) smile out at the crowd than join it.
Your hair is lovely. So’s your smile. Your smile almost says hi for you, doesn’t it? That word so full of potential and possibility and perhaps-we-shall-be-friends. Why do we fear it so, us girls in the corners? At least when it’s us saying it first…
I think it’s because everyone else says it so much better, so much more naturally. When you croaked hi…
Yeah, that’s what I do, too.
Although I wonder, if every time half the people in this room say it, they hear a croak, too? They feel awkward, too?
And even if they don’t, perhaps, perhaps, they’ve all held the wall up before, stationed themselves in a corner before…
Hmmm…that thought just might…
Yes, yes, it does, it plants a tiny seed of courage in me and I think…
Yes, I think…
I’m going to walk over to you now.
And say hi.
(Please croak back.)
Rachelle Rea says
Thank you for commenting! (Silly adulthood, indeed. Right there with ya! ;) )
Little Lady says
Omw, I absolutely LOVE it. What a beautiful, beautiful post. I was the girl in the corner for…forever. I thought no one saw me, and I was happy that way. I've been out of the corner for a while now (forced out by necessity of silly adulthood)…but the feelings are still there. I want to STILL be the girl in the corner. <3
Rachelle Rea says
Mandy, courage, indeed. Let us be daring together.<br /><br />Alyssa, you're so good. :)<br /><br />Laura, thank you for commenting!
Laura Anderson Kurk says
Love this! Perfect description of myself and the people I love best. Thanks for writing it!
Alyssa C. says
*croaks out a timid 'hello'* :) Thanks for this post, Rachelle! :D
Mandy S says
Wow . . . this pretty much describes me. I don't know how many times I've stood "holding up the wall". I even do it at church where I know almost everyone! <br /><br />I tell outgoing people my problem and they say "just go join a group and talk to them"!<br /><br />They don't know how hard it is to work up that much courage . . .<br /><br /><br />