On that unforgettable hot August Thursday, I felt unwell and at first chalked it up to just too much sugar.
But after doing some quick calculations, I took a pregnancy test.
Then I took two more.
In the thirty-minute span between being aghast at the two pink lines on all three tests and my husband’s arrival home from work, I exulted in the knowledge no one else knew except me and God: our first child was on the way.
I met Devin at the door and asked him if he was ready to be a daddy.
I’ve only ever seen him cry once before, on our wedding day.
But he teared up on that memorable August 15th and said yes. Even though our original plan was adoption. Even though our original prayer was for the big kids we still expect to bring home someday.
God gave us a baby.
On what seems like such a long-ago summer day, I had no idea then that this pregnancy would land my due date smack in the middle of a pandemic.
Had I known then I wonder how much more worried I would have been all along?
- Do I hate the fact that my mom can’t be with me because the Labor & Delivery ward allows only one visitor? Yes.
- Do I dislike not being able to go places? A little.
- Do I miss my people? Very much.
But God is faithful and I know He will see us through this.
That may seem trite, but I believe it’s true. Babies have been born since Eve into a mess of a world with floods, disasters, plagues, and pandemics.
Mine is no exception, though it’s certainly not how I planned.
This pregnancy feels like it has flown by, and now here I sit typing this at 37 weeks, wondering when Baby Girl will decide she’s ready to make her appearance, wondering what kind of world we’re bringing her into …
A broken one.
But I knew that all along.
And so I pray every day for this beautiful baby I have yet to meet and whose birthday is a mystery to all but the God who created her.
I feel as if this pregnancy has flown by. Whether it’s next week or a month from now, we’re as ready as we’ll ever be and at the same time wholly unprepared for the unexpected, undeserved gift of grace she is.