Or so I thought.
I don’t normally write about singleness. It’s such a small part of my life in this big grand scheme of book deal, blogging, and business. But…
Once upon a time, a little girl decided that 22 was the perfect age to get married. And that a December wedding would be a dream come true.
So today was the day that little girl decided would be wonderful for a wedding.
And now it’s come. And he hasn’t.
Full Disclosure: I’ve never been engaged or in love. And sometimes I’m sad about that.
// edited April 3, 2016 : I’m engaged! //
Yet this isn’t a mopey post. I have things to do today. Like coach my favorite sport, go to a birthday party, take pizza to a friend with a new beautiful baby, and reread the monstrosity that is the final book in my series.
But just for a moment I’d like to commemorate the death of a dream, on this day where once I thought I’d be in a white dress walking down an aisle on my daddy’s arm.
I hope this encourages someone, speaks to a woman who perhaps was the same little girl that I was.
Who would actually pull out a calender and pick the December after her 22nd birthday and say, ah, yes, that will do nicely.
I chuckle at that little girl now. But I am thankful for her, so thankful for her. Because she dreamed big, even to the point of picking out a date with no man in sight.
There is still no man in sight, but I hand this dream over to the one Man who has never let me down and never will. He has made so many dreams come true (some so much sooner than I thought) that I sincerely do not mind this one having died on the day I thought it would become reality.
He knows what’s He doing, and I love Him for it.
Have you ever had a dream die like this? Quietly in the mist of a Saturday morning? Or bright and big like a fireworks display?
// Dear reader, six months TO THE DAY after this post was published, I met him. And now I’m marrying him. //
Hi Rachel!
Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this with your fans. I know I feel especially blessed to have this inside look.
As a woman who has actually been divorced… twice (not proud of it), I wonder if it is beyond ridiculous to even think of the possibility that I could have real love in my life.
Granted, I am a different woman than I was eighteen years ago and different again than I was ten years ago.
Five years ago, I rededicated my life to Christ and made a conscious effort to turn my life around. Given all of that, many women reassure me that God has someone out there for me and that I should not give up hope.
Well… I’m honestly not certain I want another chance. Plus, I’ve had two chances. I don’t know that I feel right about taking what might be the only chance – away from another woman.
And either way, I am OK with that. God truly has taken the place of an absent husband in my life and I lean on Him – so I am OK.
I just want to say Thank You again. It’s wonderful to know that I am not the only one who has been a bit torn to watch some dreams die and flutter away.
Bless you!
Thank you for sharing your story, Rachel! Though I don’t have answers for you, I know the One who does and I’m trusting Him for you. <3 Merry Christmas!
”He knows what’s He doing, and I love Him for it.”
^ Love the trust in God.
Thank you, Ganise!
This is such a sweet post, Rachelle. I love how you took something like this and used it as something to encourage others. He will come. Good things are never rushed and come when we least expect them :)
Thank you, Sara. Honestly? Took me a week and waking up early Saturday morning to finally be like, okay, fine, Jesus, I’ll write it. ;)
He can be pretty persuasive:)
I don’t usually comment much. I don’t keep well in touch with blogger friends. And I have a love/hate relationship with the whole community and what it’s become since I left and came back.
But that’s beside the point and this post begged a response because it touched me. Like nostalgia. But not quite.
I was a little girl… from the time I was actually small and stature, until about a year (maybe two) ago.
When I realized that I was worth more than an engagement ring and a picket fence.
And I stopped being so distraught that I was, in fact, unloved, un-in-love, and saw no prospect of forever as someone’s Mrs. in sight.
I’m okay with it now. Though it broke me, and left me crumpled in a corner for much too long.
I put myself back together and learned to love the things about myself that no boy, man, or otherwise potential suitor can seem to appreciate.
But hey, we’re both beautiful wonderful women you know?
And we’ll find someone. Or we won’t. And that’ll be okay. God will make that well with our hearts and fill our lives with so much love we hardly notice the absence or a Mr.
Love you darling. I remember the first day you followed my blog.
Wish the best for you. <3
Thank you, Bleah. I remember that day, too–especially thinking, oh, I like this girl, and we have a lot in common. ;) Fun to see how much we’ve both grown since then! All best, me :)
Rachelle,
This hit home in a beautiful yet bittersweet way. I do believe I was in love at one time but for whatever reason God took him away. Nothing ever came of it. I’m in my 30’s now and still no one in sight. But surprisingly content. I’d love to be with the one who’ll love me forever but perhaps it’s just not His timing right now. You’ve been spared the heartache of loving someone and then him being taken away from you. Give God all of your love and don’t hold back like I did. Keep writing Rachelle. Your post blessed my heart. Please keep writing.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Jess. (Hugs) I will. <3
Actually this year I turned 23 and still no guy in site. This was really hard for me. All I had planned was for the guy to come and we get married. With the passing year I’ve realized that while I still want to get married, I’m letting go of it needing to happen now. Instead of focusing on the guy I don’t have, I try to focus on the things that God has given me to do. It’s hard to give a dream up to God’s timetable, but slowly I’m learning. Thanks for the encouragement.
Thanks for sharing, Rose. <3
With teenagers of my own who have not “dated” I really appreciate and was encouraged by this.
I’m glad, Tonja! Thank you!
This daring post, sister? Beautiful. At once touched and challenged my doubting heart.
Glad. :)
Lovely post, Rachelle Tough though it may be to let the dream go, you’ll find that perfect someone. And when you do, your wedding day will be all you dreamed. :)
Hope you have fun with all those plans today – and best of luck with your book! :)
Thank you, Rissi!
This really encouraged me I’m 20 and still single, and also have never fallen in love. Lately everyone around me has been bothering me about it and making me feel bad for it, but like you I’m waiting. Your right it is such a small thing.
Thanks for writing this
You know what they (Pinterest) says about waiting: there’s something worth waiting for! ;)
It can be a sad time seeing your childhood dreams are not being fulfilled how and when you wanted them to. At this point in my life I’m not where I had wanted to be as a child, but I need to have the faith to see that it’s alright. I’m where God wants me to be. And despite broken dreams, I won’t stop finding new ones to reach for.
Thanks for this post, Rachelle. :-)
Yes, yes! Love that about finding new ones to reach for, Grace!
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s good that you took some time to acknowledge it, I think. I’ve seen the death of several childhood dreams in the last couple years, some I didn’t even realize were so important to me until they breathed their last in my face.
A couple years ago, when I was especially struggling with the death of a certain dream, the Lord comforted me with a verse: “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became an adult, I put childish things behind me.” (1st Cor 13:11) When He brought that to mind, it wasn’t in a condemning way, it was in a thoughtful way. He was encouraging me to see the loss of some of my dreams as a necessary factor included with growing up. It was tough, but it helped me finally realize that I was finally that adult that that little girl that was me used to want to be. I am also that much closer to seeing Him “face-to-face”, like the rest of the chapter suggests.
Anyway, I hope your day ends up being beautiful. A different kind of beautiful than you first expected as a child. But still beautiful.
“I was finally that adult that that little girl that was me used to want to be.” I love how you put that. Thank you for sharing, Jessiqua!
Oh yes, I can relate. Here’s my story, written a couple of years ago as a guest post: http://www.devotionaldiva.com/2012/08/i-survived-my-20s-dateless/
p.s. I’m still waiting at 34 years old for a date, but my dream to someday get married and have a family is still very much alive!
Oh, what a story, Lindsay! Thank you for sharing!
I remember we’ll the day I realized that even if I had children, I would never be a “young mom”. It sounds silly, but it was something I always wanted, and the loss of that possibility was as hard as anything I ever faced. The irony is that I ended up adopting a child who was born the year I turned 21. So, even though it was “impossible ” I’d say I’m a pretty young mom, eh? :) God does awesome things from dead dreams.
1) That does not sound silly. I nearly talked myself out of writing this post (it took until this morning to talk myself into it) to get rid of calling this own admission silly.
2) I love that! And your whole story. :)