The Best Dating Advice I Received

This is part of a story series that can be read in any order. Read on to discover some of the best dating advice I received…

“What is one piece of advice you would tell the you that dated your wife?” I asked the question of my pastor, with my then-boyfriend, now-fiance beside me.

My pastor leaned back and blew out a breath, transferring his gaze to the ceiling and studying his own thoughts for a moment. Classic introvert. I waited, patient, eager to know what he would say.

I’ll openly admit I had little idea what I was doing: falling in love with this man has been the greatest and most confusing adventure. He’s kind, gentle, considerate, strong, a natural leader, and he pursues me with a singleness of mind I was little prepared for.

So for months I read every relationship book I could get my hands on. With my best friend beside me, I sat on the floor in that section of the bookstore, searching for (I wouldn’t admit it then, but I will now) the perfect piece of advice that will ensure my future happiness.

But there is no book that guarantees happiness (in relationships, in career, in faith).

Funny story? In my eagerness to learn how to do this couple thing, I even Googled ‘how to be a good girlfriend.’ Don’t do it. ;)

I was 22 years single. That’s a lot of on-my-own living to align with another soul.

So there I had the opportunity to ask my pastor that question. What I was basically asking was, What would you tell yourself to do differently while you were dating? What would you have changed?

My heart was crying out, Tell me something that will help me do this right. Perfectly. Right from the start.

And he said this: “I would tell myself to study the culture my wife comes from. I don’t mean the Miami culture. I mean the differences. Stuff like my mom fixed dinner on Sundays so that it was ready when we returned from church, while her mom opened the kitchen so that everyone fixed what they wanted.”

That, my friends, has been some of the best advice I’ve received.

Because here’s the thing: none of the books have been written by or about my man.

I can learn a lot from others, but most of all I need to learn from him!

So I let go of the mistaken assumption that if I just read one more, I might finally get it right.

We’ve gone over this yet again in premarital counseling sessions (which I highly recommend). Studying Devin’s culture has taught me me innumerable things that none of the books mentioned (or *gasp* some of the books got wrong!).

What about you? What is some of the best dating/marriage advice you’ve received?

Other Resources

• 5 Action Steps Every Premarried Woman Should Take – Katherine Deal
• the Kindred Grace archives are a treasure trove of helpful advice